Female Exploitation…a tale for today(edit 0.00002, blake,brownlie)

[tectak]

I'll give you my two cents for what their worth...

Well it captures a sort of colloquial that I'm not so sure would conform to the reality. This is often the problem with poetry I suppose trying to capture a burst of passion when life is rarely that simple. I would think of tinkering the title and maybe constricting it to a single character's voice.

You think that this is exploitation?
Who gives a fanny for your thoughts?
A working night a week will keep
the other wolves from other doors
If you should howl that’s what I want; -- Maybe Italicize howl

it’s your needs, not mine, babe.

You think I want your masturbation?
I’m sure you do, the question is
how much can you afford to spray
before your wife will catch you out
or someone spots you from the street?
It’s your life, not mine, babe.

You think that I’m for liberation?
I’d fuck you for the freedom trip?
I drive a Porsche, my Red Ferrari -- Her show name may be Porsche.

never leaves my walled estate;
you and others buy my miles.
It’s your debt, not mine, babe.

You think that you could do it for me?
Ah, let me guess, you’re Super-Man.
I might turn over, baby, try me.
Ask, I’ll show you what you want;
these tits of mine are Super-woman’s.
It’s your dream, not mine, babe.

You think that I’m an easy-rider?
Another Charlene, Trix or Jade?
Maybe you figure I’m excited
just because you type real slow;
I just get bored, so up the ante.
It’s your time, not mine, babe.

You think that when the show is over
I go on home to drugs and kids? -- on is a bad way to fill in the meter
Think again, you pop-eyed lobster; -- You seem to do a trochaic thing which is pretty interesting.
drop your tissue down the pan.
I’ve got it made, you see, I’m smarter;
next time ask for Vagina Dentata…babe.

tectak
2014

Well, I'll look at the next piece you write. I didn't see much from this I could really critique. You've got a jaded narrator but it does not seem to capture a truth that many poets seem to poop out in more acclaimed works that attempt to be a vicar for a materialistic wasteland. I think the varying semi-refrain may be stronger as a full refrain so the statement can be fully dissected, but that is just an opinion. I'm not sure how the use of my suggestion would pan out. The meter doesn't seem so bad though. Good post.

Hi brownlie,
I always enjoy your crit and have already made a change. Credit to you. Frankly, the change that I made was based on the only bit-o-crit from you that I understood
"...vicar for a materialistic wasteland"? Hmmmm....I feel another poem coming on.
Very best and thanks again,
tectak