06-05-2014, 03:49 PM
I like the way your protagonist speaks directly to the reader, and engages them with questions. It's just that attitude that made me uncomfortable by the end - I've missed the metaphor and stranded on the typing. I'm reading this as by a worker in a pay-for-chat adult site. By the final line I have the uneasy feeling that the whole poem was written to celebrate those final two lines. I like it though, it made me think. I do like the refrain, a sort of regathering after each stanza of thought.