06-05-2014, 07:47 AM
Thanks Ed, I'll get right on that inversion
Actually I never said inversion should not be used, just only to be, or not 2B, used by great poets
"The scattered segments of my soul." Good thing it wasn't "segment", but it is a guy talking.
Seriously though, thanks for giving it a look see. Always appreciate your input.
Dale
No that's not it, I was just sort of thinking out loud. Seriously I am now leaning towards using "hope" instead of "longing". It is more clear although it loses some of the connotations of "longing". As the passage seems to give so many of those who have commented problems, I think I need to come down on the side of clarity, although I still fail to see why it is such a problem. If I said "crucified between heaven and hell", most would probably not be bothered. Heaven being hope, and hell being despair. In my mind it is the tug of war between these two emotional states that creates a scenario similar to being crucified. Sure I cold say he was torn between hope and despair, but to me that makes less sense. Well, I will work on it, although I really like the line. Anyway, thanks for the input.
xoxoxo
Dale
Actually I never said inversion should not be used, just only to be, or not 2B, used by great poets
"The scattered segments of my soul." Good thing it wasn't "segment", but it is a guy talking.
Seriously though, thanks for giving it a look see. Always appreciate your input.
Dale
Quote:ella said: "No need to continue swapping definitions of longing, I understand your definition and it's your poem."
No that's not it, I was just sort of thinking out loud. Seriously I am now leaning towards using "hope" instead of "longing". It is more clear although it loses some of the connotations of "longing". As the passage seems to give so many of those who have commented problems, I think I need to come down on the side of clarity, although I still fail to see why it is such a problem. If I said "crucified between heaven and hell", most would probably not be bothered. Heaven being hope, and hell being despair. In my mind it is the tug of war between these two emotional states that creates a scenario similar to being crucified. Sure I cold say he was torn between hope and despair, but to me that makes less sense. Well, I will work on it, although I really like the line. Anyway, thanks for the input.
xoxoxo
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.