Men of Moments (edit 1)

[tmanzano]

He said he was
barbecuing chicken

My Mom would usually
chop them into stews
that would last

My Step-Dad
was working again
and on a good run-

wasting them
for one meal
was a statement

A man of moments

I grew up enough
to throw him down stairs
and out of houses

We ate vegetable stew
and listened to pastors

He lived in cars
and on concrete -

not like
the Volkswagen Rabbit
he wore flip flops
and corduroy shorts in
that cranked Boz Scaggs
and The Little River Band
when we met

When the garbage men found him
behind a dumpster
wearing his liver on his jacket
my Mom paced for answers

I listened
to Boz Scaggs
with Jim Beam

The understated is always best. And you do this well. He "said" he was BBQing chicken....love it. Indeed, a man of moments. Nice picture words throughout (e.g. cranked, paced, flip-flops, right down to the VW Rabbit). I would resist the temptation of using punctuation. I'd even delete the dashes at the end of the lines and go with a few strategically placed hyphens (flip-flop, out-of-house) to highlight the absurd. Agree you need a stronger word than "pastor." Not sure about the line ..."that would last" and what purpose it serves? Also, "houses?" Did you do this multiple times? How about, "down the stairs and out the house" Just a thought. With so few words, be sure of the ones you do use. Nice write. I'm there with you.

Thank you so very much 71. Great insight and deeply absorbed by me. I work too much to have the time for a quick reply and I am sorry it has take this long to get back to you on this. I do not like the punctuation idea either. I will resist. The hyphen idea? Well taken. I will be working on this today. I am working on the pastor stanza as well. I have been thinking about this for two days. An elusive line I need to be careful with. I used houses instead of house to give a sense of time. It was in fact multiple house the narrator though him out of. Maybe I could elaborate a tad in this stanza as well. I do appreciate your opening statement to me. I believe the understated is best as well. Thank you.

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He said he was
barbecuing chicken

My Mom would usually
chop them into stews
that would last

My Step-Dad
was working again
and on a good run-

wasting them
for one meal
was a statement Wasting chickens? And what exactly was the statement?

A man of moments

I grew up enough
to throw him down stairs
and out of houses What cause did he give the narrator to do that?

We ate vegetable stew We've gone from chicken to vegetable stew, which is a little confusing, but I guess you're describing different meals?
and listened to pastors

He lived in cars
and on concrete - I like this expression. It's quite a unique way of conveying homelessness.

not like
the Volkswagen Rabbit
he wore flip flops
and corduroy shorts in
that cranked Boz Scaggs
and The Little River Band Should a word like "style" go here, as in "that cranked Boz Scraggs and The Little River Band style", referring to his style of dress?
when we met

When the garbage men found him
behind a dumpster
wearing his liver on his jacket
my Mom paced for answers Great verse. Brutal but warm and empathic.

I listened
to Boz Scaggs
with Jim Beam

More clarity and descriptive colour's needed, I think. The poem's a bit vague. I enjoyed it, though, and it has some very evocative lines. It's also moving, in places. Thank you for the read, and all critique is JMHO

Some one said, and don't know who: A Poet makes the obscure clear not make the clear obscure. I agree with you that I have left a few things out in an attempt to achieve an understated piece, but I have a difficult time writing with too much clarity. I do this on purpose. It just doesn't seem any fun to me that way. I do value your opinion and think you are right. It is still a little too vague. I am working on a few, very few, choice words to make it stand up. Thank you for you honest opinions. They mean a lot.