Half Empty

[Erthona]

Tom, ella, mercedes

Yes I agree, I am not happy about "the shattered, scattered, pieces of my soul." At best a place holder until something better comes along.

ella "how is a soul scattered?" The same way the will is broken, a mind is blocked, thoughts are jumbled. Here is my answer from earlier, although not a direct answer to your question, I think it answers it.

"We as human beings use certain things as a method to define ourselves. Someone who has been married for many years cannot help to identify themselves as part of the couple, and so in a very real sense, the soul, or sense of self is very much shattered. The question then becomes how can I put the pieces of this now, half-couple back together, what will be the container in which to "hold" it. For the speaker, the answer is this "treasure house."

"I'm with you until "I am crucified between longing and despair." I have no problem with crucified, it's between that bothers me. Longing and despair stroll hand in hand here, if the cross is made from longing and despair the narrator is hanging from them bleeding, not between them."

Here is my answer from eariler:

"Actually there is a place, it is a mental image/construct of two opposing emotional states. A more trite, but similar expression would be torn between love and duty. The statement says that the speaker is experiencing two distinct emotional states. Longing for what he has lost, and despair that she will not return. Longing carries with it the aspect of "hope", so it makes these two emotions somewhat antithetical. When one is crucified, the muscles in the arms eventually become so weak that the person cannot get a breath without pushing upward with ones feet. At some point the muscles give out and the person suffocates. So crucifixion exemplifies the back and forth the speaker is feeling between these two emotions. This is a metaphor, and all metaphors are ultimately false, but useful in describing non-physical events."

So as you can see I don't believe that "Longing and despair stroll hand in hand here". They are two distinct and disparate emotional states and cannot exists simultaneously. This is well documented in terms of the grief process and a person can and does go back and forth between these two states. As I said, to be able to long for something, one has to have hope that it is attainable. Despair is the state where the realization comes that there is no hope of returning to a previously state, or of ever possessing what one has lost. A person in the grief process continually bounces back and forth between these two states.

Tom,

I agree with all but two of your assessments.

"All more precious to me than gold,
for nothing more of you will be mined. Hmmm. A little mechanical metaphor seems misplaced here. Even "found" might be better than "mined"."

Mined relates to the usage of gold in the above line. Gold is valuable partly because it is scarce. If the experience of her is cut off due to death, no more experiences of her will be forth coming. If such experiences are equated to "gold", then I think mined is a perfectly apt metaphor.

"Still unsure about "crucified". No doubt you will explain yourself." Hopefully I have.
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mercedes

Most of your comments I agree with, at least provisionally.

Re: "Opposites flowing from the same wellspring; I want to read 'flow' rather than 'flowing'"

I have no answer for that, other than preference. It is somewhat the difference between a snapshot "flow" and an ongoing event "flowing". That is the only rationale I can offer up as to why I prefer one over the other. I think one could use either. I like to have something a little more concrete to hang my hat on than just stylistic preference, but in this case that's all I have. Regardless, it is a nice distinction you point out.

"A beggar's portion is singular" Yes. In this sense it acts as a container. Such as, you have several different foods in you sack. The "beggar's portion" is the sack that holds these mementos, "letters, photos, hair". Out of one hundred sacks, I have one sack that contains these three items, thus a "beggar's portion". does that make sense? I know what I mean to say, but I am not sure I am being clear. let me know.

Tom, ella, Mercedes,

Thanks for taking the time to provide more critique, it is helping me fine tune my decision on several possible changes. As always you each provide insightful and useful comments.

Thanks,

Dale

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Tom,

"So we can look forward to ampers & tectak getting in Tuscany mood." Just for you I'll remove the "&", even though I am not British! As for "Tuscany mood", you'll have to provide your own bottle(s) of White Zinfandel.


dale