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[ellajam]

I can do a bit of a line by line for you. Please do the same for some poems that have been posted in the workshops. My punctuation is not good enough to make those suggestions to you, but if you ask maybe someone else will help you with that after you put some effort into it yourself.

Never knew never known
a moments introspection
speak into a reflection
this insanity is yours to own.
Here I don't know if the narrator is speaking of himself or the object of his grief. Not abstract, unintelligible.

You didn't say you weren't alright Good line, clear but leads many places.
Nothing left to do
words hung out and used I like this line, but you may be able to more with it.
You shoved me 6 feet under too Six, and a cliche

The worlds stripped
sinking bereft
bare feet shuffle blindly
walk a mile in a crypt
This is okay, I like the bare feet, though blindly isn't best for me when applied to them. Even a pyramid is not a mile long crypt. Do better.

Sink into the mire
ashes ashes we all fall down
hand in hand
I became the liar
I'm okay with "ashes ashes we all fall down," it makes me think you grew up together, but the rest is cliche and I have no idea why the narrator is a liar.

Your Life's a hypnotizing blaze
fire burns through my veins
I am the torch
lighting the flame.
Cliche and again, I don't see your point.

Hope this helps.

Hi, Pyxx, grief tinged with guilt comes through strong for me. I suggest you take each four lines, remove the cliches (sink into the mire, etc.) and try to present each image in a fresh way. And correct the typos (world's, etc.), you can make something of this, good luck.