Half Empty

[tectak]

Half Empty

I find myself putting away
these things that once were yours "the things" as you are speaking definitively and with complete awareness of emotional intent. I like the simple truth in the opener. Funny how the supply of emotive gestalts never runs out but seem rare whenever encountered. Good thinking, Batman.
because they remind me of you; then
I find I have brought them out again
because they remind me of you. Simply wonderful phrasing. Suitable is the word
Opposites flowing from the same wellspring;
I am crucified between longing and despair. If you refer to yer actual cruci-fiction of yer man Jesus then an assumption of personification leaps out of the "between" image...otherwise Longing and Despair need no capitals and so maybe you don't. In which case "between" is an odd word choice.
I hold and caress your old photos & letters, No ampersands here, please. We are British...small issue but abbreviations seem misplaced in sombre thoughts
and smooth a cutting of your soft hair. Definite chance for a semicolon, here
All more precious to me than gold,
for nothing more of you will be mined. Hmmm. A little mechanical metaphor seems misplaced here. Even "found" might be better than "mined".
If scarcity sets the value of a thing,
I am the owner of a great treasure house, A pragmatic period here, methinks
yet, of you I have only these things. No comma then line end colon but see next line
A beggar’s portion left to hold This is difficult. The line above says "these". This line begins with "a". If the line above is referencing the lines above that, then the colon idea of mine is wrong BUT the last two lines do not a sentence make. Your poem.
the shattered, scattered, pieces of my soul.


–Erthona


©2010-2014

Loving it. Seriously considered thoughts are often the most difficult to convert to words. It is as though the thought rejects semantics as being the wrong medium. You have gone a long way to remedying this stand-off and I congratulate you for it. Still unsure about "crucified".
No doubt you will explain yourself.
Best,
tectak