Cotton Candy Sheep

[ChristopherSea]

Pyxx, You need to post the edit above the original for comparison. I don't know which version was the better now, the original or the edit. I do like a lot of the imagery in the piece. However, as the poem stands there is a lot of redundancy:

screaming/bleating

stick/needles/picking

eyes/eye/stare

cries/echo/words

thistle/thorn...

Additionally, there is a lot of contrived and contradictory abstractions that come off faux-poetic:

silly sullied, stare blindly, silent cries echo ...unsaid, unseemingly unraveling seams, etc...

These don't really say much or add anything. You have fallen into a common new poet trap of using diametric words and abstractions for impact or contrast like: silent scream, deafening silence, forest of nothingness, unspoken word, blinding darkness, etc. However, these are weak elements that distract.

Again, I love the images (like cotton candy sheep). I would focus on them. Good luck with your next edit./Chris