#2

[tectak]

The striking of church bells
Rolls through like a mist
And weights, as leaves on the breast
Of an atheist

Terse verse, terse crit.
Similes. Striking and rolling are incompatible. Chiming is a sound, striking is the action that produces the sound. Sound rolls through mist. Striking stays where it is.
Clarity of intent ."And weights" is confusing. Do you mean "And weighs", "And waits" or as written which makes no sense?
Metaphors. "Leaves on the breast of an athiest" has no meaning for me. Metaphors should clarify, not confuse. Leaves as in trees or leaves as in left? See. I do not trust your word use and it is your fault, not mine.
Pretensions. Why capitalise every line? It is retro, confusing, faux-poetic and utterly pointless.
Apart from these minor issues you should try to develop this piece. As a cameo thought it is lacking in depth and texture, happily existing in the pia mater; but that is a reason to develop it, not abandon it.
Title. Give it one.
Best,
tectak