Better future

[Pyxx]

Oh i have plan, to be the owner of a piece of land,
harvest from a garden I myself have sowed
take advantage of the hands the skills i’ve been bestowed.
I know the way, to sow the seed for a better day
A better future is on it’s way, that I to myself can say.
Not the bitter ending, that I once was expecting
i have a plan, I feel like a different man,
I now know where I stand, and where to go
I walk erect no longer crawling low.
i no longer see myself as a foe
I see that it was not the truth, it was not so.
That lie i leave behind me now,
And if I ever ask myself again,
are you really without hope.
I know the answer should be, no
On I go, forward I go

Ok, so to be a part of this forum I have to critique so I am not intending to be a critic, but merely hope to offer constructive criticism.

I had an issue with the way that this work flowed, in that how the written expression changed mid poem.

harvest from a garden I myself have sowed
take advantage of the hands the skills i’ve been bestowed.

Sowed and bestowed appear to be intelligent choices in structure. The line below breaks conformity and thus the flow of the poem.


I know the way, to sow the seed for a better day.


Leaving behind the old and cold,
Now the day is warm and new
There is a landscape of opportunities in my view.
I was a failure but I found success
I’ve planted a seed and now I can tell,
That it is growing and I soon can harvest.
Oh the smell is new, the troubles were many, but now just few

Bye bye troubled mind I will not regret

The final line may need more work as it appears to end the poem prematurely. I am a novice so hopefully this critique has been of some help.


Leaving you behind