Half Empty

[Isis]

Isis, QDS, Jimmy Stark, Loretta,

Since most everyone mentioned it, here is my rationale on the "thing" things. I'm not saying it is correct, it is simply my rationale for doing so. I will thank everyone beforehand for noticing it, as it forces me to defend my choice. So here is my "thing" rationale. First I will say I am not overly fond of "thing" and "things" appearing so close together as though they are a rhyme. They are not, but I also do not wish to give the appearance of such. OK, on to the rationale. Taking the second first:

"of you I have only these things."

This refers to the line

"your old photos & letters, and smooth a cutting of your soft hair."

So whatever word I use has to speak to these disparate objects as a group. I suppose "items" could work, but it seems too technical. I do not think the person would think like this. Such words as "mementos", "keepsakes" et al seems to Hall-Markish. Someone mentioned "treasures" or "jewels", as I have already used "treasure house" (I'll answer that later) it would be no less redundant.

I think "an item" or "items" doesn't work as well rhythmically as "thing", in either line where it appears, and I think that the slight jarring of the repetition of "thing" is better than "item", which somehow sounds kind of technical. And I definitely see the rationale for "thing" over a number of other word choices. It was informative for me to read your thought process, at least.

I wonder if there's a slightly more connotative or metaphorical choice for the second use of "thing", like fragments, pieces, clips ... reading the poem again, that's what jumps to mind. But I wonder if that strays into Hallmark territory as well.

That's all I got - I think all the discussions going on in this thread are interesting, even though I don't have a whole lot to add at this point.