06-04-2014, 09:19 AM
dull eyed, doe eyes stare blindly
hungry for the dawn
Silent cries echo of words left unsaid
the night is stillborn
as rivers run ribbon red.
I thought it sounded nice without the words in bold. It's your poem, you can do what you want, but I almost think the last line would sound good as: rivers run red ribbons. I'm just giving suggestions based on what I thought while reading it. And you have that rhyme at the end doing it your way.
hungry for the dawn
Silent cries echo of words left unsaid
the night is stillborn
as rivers run ribbon red.
I thought it sounded nice without the words in bold. It's your poem, you can do what you want, but I almost think the last line would sound good as: rivers run red ribbons. I'm just giving suggestions based on what I thought while reading it. And you have that rhyme at the end doing it your way.