06-04-2014, 12:32 AM
I like this. It tells the tale of a feminist cam girl correct? Or is it just a woman who gets a lot of unsolicited explicit texts and videos?
Each stanza talks about a different way in which men try to exploit women and the misconceptions many men openly express. I think that's pretty cool. I like the frank language and how you don't try to pull any punches. The subject matters you are talking about are quite explicit, so I think it is perfect that the narrator is extremely blunt.
There were only a few things I thought could be changed. The Red Ferrari is referring to a vagina, which Prince has already very famously done. It works alright since you talk about a Porsche, but it could probably be made stronger with another metaphor. I also would reconsider the final line, after viewing the film Teeth the thought of vagina dentata makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide in fear.
Just my opinions on the changes. I really liked what you wrote. Keep it up!
Each stanza talks about a different way in which men try to exploit women and the misconceptions many men openly express. I think that's pretty cool. I like the frank language and how you don't try to pull any punches. The subject matters you are talking about are quite explicit, so I think it is perfect that the narrator is extremely blunt.
There were only a few things I thought could be changed. The Red Ferrari is referring to a vagina, which Prince has already very famously done. It works alright since you talk about a Porsche, but it could probably be made stronger with another metaphor. I also would reconsider the final line, after viewing the film Teeth the thought of vagina dentata makes me want to crawl into a hole and hide in fear.
Just my opinions on the changes. I really liked what you wrote. Keep it up!
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.