06-03-2014, 02:47 PM 
	
	
	(06-03-2014, 07:23 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Hey Metalfan, Sounds like you've been listening to Iron Maiden on a loop.In instances of conquest, missionaries are used to assimilate indigenous people, usually under the threat posed by a militia. The quotations denote the priest speaking on behalf of the "civilized' people and the stanza without quotes is the elder speaking on behalf of the "savages." I wasn't sure if that was apparent enough. Also, I usually name my poems after the first phrase, but I thought this one sounded cooler. The point of this piece is to have a general look at things through time, but I can see about narrowing it.
Seriously though, I'm not sure how the Priest and Elder are needed here. If anything, they confused the issue for me. The 2nd stanza isn't in quotation marks either, so I can't tell if it's the same one way dialogue. There are some decent lines here though, even if some of the rhymes are forced. Also, I agree you might want to narrow the scope. "All inclusive" only works when there are free drinks involved!
Keep at it,
Paul

 

 

