06-03-2014, 02:12 PM
Hello,
I'm generally a lyric writer, so the structural aspects of traditional poetry are somewhat foreign to me. I took a couple classes as a teen and did some online research, but I thought I'd hang this out here for any constructive feedback. Again, my main concern is structure and punctuation, although if you are so inclined, feel free to offer anything else. I can't figure out how to add margins to certain lines on here, so I will emphasize with underscores. Written yesterday:
Relativity in Love
Smitten. Or perhaps, stricken
____am I.
How grave a deceit
____to deny;
A spring leaf whose speckled green
____alludes to summer squash
shall too,
Plunge with autumnal distress,
Shatter beneath a strange hoof
____to reach the soil,
Whence arose two eyes of rich
liquid earth aboard a nautilus to Mars...
And lo;
Views, to you,
____eternal, yet anew
As I’m cast into your orbit
With a young moon’s heart.
I'm generally a lyric writer, so the structural aspects of traditional poetry are somewhat foreign to me. I took a couple classes as a teen and did some online research, but I thought I'd hang this out here for any constructive feedback. Again, my main concern is structure and punctuation, although if you are so inclined, feel free to offer anything else. I can't figure out how to add margins to certain lines on here, so I will emphasize with underscores. Written yesterday:
Relativity in Love
Smitten. Or perhaps, stricken
____am I.
How grave a deceit
____to deny;
A spring leaf whose speckled green
____alludes to summer squash
shall too,
Plunge with autumnal distress,
Shatter beneath a strange hoof
____to reach the soil,
Whence arose two eyes of rich
liquid earth aboard a nautilus to Mars...
And lo;
Views, to you,
____eternal, yet anew
As I’m cast into your orbit
With a young moon’s heart.