Men of Moments (edit 1)

[tmanzano]

I may have completely misread this, but did you kill your step-dad?

I like the structure of the poem. It makes me feel as if the narrator is uneasy and his mind is racing. If you intended to make me think your narrator killed someone then this is probably the perfect state of mind to write from.

Loved the ending. Tying Boz Scaggs in with having a drink to take the pressure off is kind of brilliant.

I really liked how you used chicken as an object of excess. While it is a cheap meat, you did a great job portraying the family as hard for money without coming right out an saying it.

The part about the pastor was nice as well. It shows that the step-dad was abusive and the family sought help after he left.

My advice would be to make it more obvious. That may sound dumb, but I had to read this through a few times and I'm still not sure I got the right message. I love what you're trying to do, just help the reader out a little.

Thank you Jimmy. The take is closer than you think. I have always danced with obscurity for the sake of clarity.

This is about the guilt of his Step-Dad dying on the streets from alcoholism after being thrown out of the house. He misses him dearly. Hope this helped. I will work on trying to convey that in an edit. Thank you for the read.

---

I would add some punctuation.

He said he was
barbecuing chicken

My Mom would usually
chop them into stews
that would last

My Step-Dad
was working again
and on a good run-

wasting them
for one meal
was a statement

A man of moments

I grew up enough
to throw him down stairs
and out of houses

We ate vegetable stew
and listened to pastors -- More can be said about pastors or the type of pastor can be specified. Maybe physical details about listening to pastors or quotes from them or something. So long as you don't damage your tone here which is not bad.

He lived in cars
and on concrete -

not like
the Volkswagen Rabbit
he wore flip flops
and corduroy shorts in --- This section would really benefit from punctuation.
that cranked Boz Scaggs
and The Little River Band
when we met

When the garbage men found him
behind a dumpster
wearing his liver on his jacket
my Mom paced for answers

I listened
to Boz Scaggs
with Jim Beam

Not bad, I like how you used the proper nouns. I think you may want to consider adding punctuation though.

Great suggestions, and will work on this. I especially like your "pastor" comment. Sent my thoughts racing with ideas. Working an edit... Great advice. Thank you