06-02-2014, 12:23 PM
I may have completely misread this, but did you kill your step-dad?
I like the structure of the poem. It makes me feel as if the narrator is uneasy and his mind is racing. If you intended to make me think your narrator killed someone then this is probably the perfect state of mind to write from.
Loved the ending. Tying Boz Scaggs in with having a drink to take the pressure off is kind of brilliant.
I really liked how you used chicken as an object of excess. While it is a cheap meat, you did a great job portraying the family as hard for money without coming right out an saying it.
The part about the pastor was nice as well. It shows that the step-dad was abusive and the family sought help after he left.
My advice would be to make it more obvious. That may sound dumb, but I had to read this through a few times and I'm still not sure I got the right message. I love what you're trying to do, just help the reader out a little.
I like the structure of the poem. It makes me feel as if the narrator is uneasy and his mind is racing. If you intended to make me think your narrator killed someone then this is probably the perfect state of mind to write from.
Loved the ending. Tying Boz Scaggs in with having a drink to take the pressure off is kind of brilliant.
I really liked how you used chicken as an object of excess. While it is a cheap meat, you did a great job portraying the family as hard for money without coming right out an saying it.
The part about the pastor was nice as well. It shows that the step-dad was abusive and the family sought help after he left.
My advice would be to make it more obvious. That may sound dumb, but I had to read this through a few times and I'm still not sure I got the right message. I love what you're trying to do, just help the reader out a little.
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.