06-02-2014, 12:07 PM
I will admit I have not read the other comments so if you have clarified the subject matter I apologize.
This to me sounds like an ode to a lonesome trucker. Striking a match for a cigarette at the start of the day, having a driver sweating, smog on the road. It's an interesting subject matter, but I think you need more. The way you try to express a trucker's day and emotions in a minimalist way is cool, but more descriptive words and a more clear plot would definitely help. The delusion that truck drivers often feel while on the road is an awesome subject matter, really pour your soul into this one!
This to me sounds like an ode to a lonesome trucker. Striking a match for a cigarette at the start of the day, having a driver sweating, smog on the road. It's an interesting subject matter, but I think you need more. The way you try to express a trucker's day and emotions in a minimalist way is cool, but more descriptive words and a more clear plot would definitely help. The delusion that truck drivers often feel while on the road is an awesome subject matter, really pour your soul into this one!
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.