06-02-2014, 12:01 PM
I really think this needs to be longer with more context. While it is interesting to just jump right into your story, I have to admit I was a bit lost. Why had the relationship soured? What brought the shotgun into this? I like what you're doing, but think you need more to improve the poem. Maybe add another stanza or two with some back story?
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.