Better future

[ellajam]

Hi, MT, while your poem clearly expresses your thoughts, I'd like to point out an issue with your rhymes. Take these two lines:

I know the way, to sow the seed for a better day
A better future is on it’s way, that I to myself can say.

Way, day, way, say. These short, common rhymes do nothing to add interest to your poem. Rhyme can be a wonderful way to really stretch, searching for interesting words that can keep your reader involved and lead you to express yourself in ways you've never thought of.

I think there's room for improvement here. I suggest you read more poems and figure out what interests you about rhyme, when you think it's successful and when it just lies there. Then you can try to develop your own skills.

Thanks for the read.

Oh i have plan, to be the owner of a piece of land,
harvest from a garden I myself have sowed
take advantage of the hands the skills i’ve been bestowed.
I know the way, to sow the seed for a better day
A better future is on it’s way, that I to myself can say.
Not the bitter ending, that I once was expecting
i have a plan, I feel like a different man,
I now know where I stand, and where to go
I walk erect no longer crawling low.
i no longer see myself as a foe
I see that it was not the truth, it was not so.
That lie i leave behind me now,
And if I ever ask myself again,
are you really without hope.
I know the answer should be, no
On I go, forward I go
Leaving behind the old and cold,
Now the day is warm and new
There is a landscape of opportunities in my view.
I was a failure but I found success
I’ve planted a seed and now I can tell,
That it is growing and I soon can harvest.
Oh the smell is new, the troubles were many, but now just few
Bye bye troubled mind I will not regret
Leaving you behind