06-02-2014, 06:18 AM
I quite enjoyed this. The are some technical issues to address but the Crits above have been really good. The problem of tense looks like an easy fix. I would agree with Erthona on that. Also agree that the scope of the subject gives you lots of leeway to expand if you want.
The badlands are split
along the spine of
an anchor cast
so iron centipedes
could chase their
dead frontiers -
This made me think of The Great Divide. A decent title even. if my interpretation of the poem is at all accurate. Seems as though there is a liberal/conservative theme here, where progress might not always be welcome. As for the ending, I love "degenerate skyscrapers". Great pairing of words.
The badlands are split
along the spine of
an anchor cast
so iron centipedes
could chase their
dead frontiers -
This made me think of The Great Divide. A decent title even. if my interpretation of the poem is at all accurate. Seems as though there is a liberal/conservative theme here, where progress might not always be welcome. As for the ending, I love "degenerate skyscrapers". Great pairing of words.