Commuting (Edit 1.1)

[ellajam]

The car knows the route with no help from me -- This is an interesting idea that connects to themes about muscle memory, or something like that.
which leaves my mind open to play poetry. -- This is pretty good, but you don't necessarily need "leaves." What is interesting is that when you are given a chance to think, your mind begins to play poetry. The idea of poetry is also good as all art is sort of like the mind at play.
The rhymes rattle 'round like coins in a monk's cup -- This is a pretty good simile
while the radio urges me to "Funk it up!" -- I like the addition of the radio it adds a new layer of sound.
I shuffle stubborn stanzas and try -- Shuffle relates to dancing which connects to the radio so that's pretty cool.
to find the right order as miles fly by. -- "fly by" is sort of cliché maybe playing around with a new way of expressing this idea would be useful.
A dance in my seat gets the meter to spark, -- I like how the poem keeps returning to dancing. If you saw that layers of abstraction thing that was posted you could see that dance refers to a whole category of items. Pinning the exercise to a specific type of dancing may add more depth to the poem. You might even get some results by including a specific type of dancing and playing with it as a metaphor throughout the entire poem.
the trick's to retrieve it after I park. -- This is a pretty good ending it stops the poem and the car at the same time.

Lot's of cool stuff in this little poem that I think can played with. You may also want to think of playing with the rhyme scheme a bit maybe even fitting the rhythm to a specific type of dance. Good post.

Thanks so much, Brownlie, for such a thorough read. Maybe "prods" instead of "urges" would help, too. Unfortunately, I don't think there's a specific name for "dancing like a madwoman."

Seriously though, I'll look to edit out the weak spots you pointed out. Your critique is greatly appreciated, and I'm glad you enjoyed the fun.