06-01-2014, 03:34 AM
As i kind of relate to the content i like it, though i can follow the critique that you have gotten. It is very simple and only a few will feel anything when reading it. I think the "be free and die" is poorly formulated because you are not free when you're dead, you are not anything, but you're of course free of life and all that comes with it. I like to write things that will be vaque to a lot of people because i only give my emotions and no reasons, but at a writer class i was told by some that they wanted me to flesh out the emotions i described in the poem, i did even though i felt it would make people think i was wierd, but they actually liked the new version very much, but it was no longer a poem but more lyrical prose or something. Keep writing and you'll surely improve text by text