Commuting (Edit 1.1)

[ellajam]

Edit 1.1 (JC, bena, Brownlie)

The car knows the route with no help from me
which leaves my mind open to play poetry.
The rhymes foam like ale in a Trappist monk's cup
while the radio prods me to "Funk it up!"
I shuffle lost stanzas, stray commas and try
to find the right order as exits slide by.
A dance in my seat gets the meter to spark,
the trick's to retrieve it after I park.


Edit 1 (Brownlie)

The car knows the route with no help from me
which opens my mind to play poetry.
The rhymes rattle 'round like coins in a monk's cup
while the radio prods me to "Funk it up!"
I shuffle lost stanzas, stray commas and try
to find the right order as exits speed by.
A dance in my seat gets the meter to spark,
the trick's to retrieve it after I park.


Original

The car knows the route with no help from me
which leaves my mind open to play poetry.
The rhymes rattle 'round like coins in a monk's cup
while the radio urges me to "Funk it up!"
I shuffle stubborn stanzas and try
to find the right order as miles fly by.
A dance in my seat gets the meter to spark,
the trick's to retrieve it after I park.