Water-bug

[Erthona]

Tiger the Lion,

Ah yes, I see what you mean. I thought it somewhat clumsy when I wrote it. The problem stems for the fact that the speaker is sitting on the toilet looking straight ahead and a shower curtain blocks half of the bath tub. The water-bug is towards the front of the tub, with the speaker at the rear of the tub. The curtain is partially blocking his view, and so he must swivel (maybe a better word than move)toward his right to get a more unobstructed view of the bug, and thus determine for sure if he is in fact moving. Antenna the size of a human hair is difficult to see from approximately four feet away, especially if the person is somewhat optically challenged as the speaker is. Regardless, I think you are correct, and I believe I shall change it to "swivel" from "moved".

"Lastly, for some reason I keep wanting "although I knew he was dead already." to read "but both of us knew he was dead already."

I'm afraid I must disagree, not with your sentiment but with your reading. I think he knew death was coming:

"Somehow I knew,
that he knew,
death was near."

...and once something is dead, he can no longer know it. That is to say, one cannot know that one is dead, only in the process of becoming dead. So I think I took him in the process as far as he can go. You may disagree, but that is my reasoning regarding it. I do appreciate the question as it causes me to defend my rationale for a thing, and though I write intuitively, once a thing is written, it always must stand up to reason, and of course internal consistency.

Thanks again, hope to see more of your critiques, as well as your poetry,

Dale
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Chris,

I am sure your comments are valid, but at the moment I am in a rush and cannot give them the attention they deserve, but I did not want you to think I ignored them. I will return later and give them consideration, I'm sure some of it is as you say.

Thanks,

Dale