05-27-2014, 01:15 PM
Dale I really like this and will have to come back when I have time to critique. Why do I like it? Well, the empathy at the end. It was unexpected after it was said your narrator hates 'em. No complaints about a messy killing either, which is what I might have expected. I hate it when inmates ... er bugs--or anything, really--has to die.
Just a comma patrol for now though
Somehow I knew,
that he knew,
death was near.
There is no grammatical need for them here. You are just instinctively placing them where you want the pauses. (The line break already do that.)[the natural mechanics of language already puts a tiny pause after those verbs anyway]
Just a comma patrol for now though
Somehow I knew,
that he knew,
death was near.
There is no grammatical need for them here. You are just instinctively placing them where you want the pauses. (The line break already do that.)[the natural mechanics of language already puts a tiny pause after those verbs anyway]