Break the vetkoek edit0.1 erthona,qstar, keith, loretta

[tectak]

You have an excellent poem here Tectak, the images of baking bread and home life sets the balance then you turn us on our heads, very nice. just a few bits below.

Mbali watches oil get hot then fans flames from her eyes.
With gentle squeeze, a baby's hand, the vetkoek yields to floured palms.
She rolls dough into soft, round cakes and kisses every one this line reads a little awkward to me.
before the oil baptises them with fire and foment, faith and flame.
Mbali prods and turns them once, golden now in seething pot;
bad luck will call if one turns back and burns the cracking crust as black
as brother Ebo's head. Smiling at the memory she lets the Lord take care of things; your use of alliteration made me read this stanza over and over just to hear the sounds out loud.
He always watches over her and makes her vetkoek passion bread.
Mbali hums as hot, crisp buns are hoisted from the cleansing oil
and stacked on mats of sweet corn stems to cool before the devil calls. lovely image
And he will call: to take the bread and drink the dry Khoikhoi wine.
Mbali will be hiding in the bushland by the stream, afraid to make
a sound until the devil calls her name. She will crawl, flat to the land, I like the second use of devil calls in separate context.
in dust and dirt, up to his feet; all the while she praises him,
beseeches him to leave and not take her just this time. The devil never listens do you need devil again here?
so Mbali drops her eyes and cries the tears of cruelty then silently complies;
but afterwards the devil will throw her hard, dry vetkoek crumbs. and here ?
She'll eat and drink the dreg-filled wine and wash hard in the stream;
cleaner now but never clean, she looks up to the polished sky
and thanks the Lord that once again he helped her to survive.
Mbali knows that she is safe, she knows the devil knows this, too.
Soon she will have fifteen child-years and old enough to wed,
she prays for death to take her as she makes the vetkoek bread. Is something missing in this line ?
tectak
Out of SA
2014

Thanks keith,
You are more right than wrong but, no excuses, I am correcting this piece on line and it keeps reverting without including my edits. Something is wrong.
I will act on your points and see how it goes.
Best,
tectak