05-27-2014, 12:21 AM
It's a fun song, but it'd be more fun if it was more dirty. Or dirtier. Or both.
Or if it had more swing-y moments, more ironic twists, more heel-face turns: the whimsy of a well made joke, if you will, a la The Aristocrats (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats, if you don't get that reference).
Oh, and speaking of references, though the "fatal shearer" reference was good, it's too thick with classicism to be appropriate for this shanty, meffinks. It'd feel righter, I'm feeling, if the poem were emptied of such references, or filled with them.
Actually, filling this with classical metaphors and such would be kinda cool. It'd make the sailors singing this in my head seem... educated somewhat (or perhaps more ancient), and it'd definitely make the poem more original. If you've already done so, though, I guess you should make them a bit clearer.
Or if it had more swing-y moments, more ironic twists, more heel-face turns: the whimsy of a well made joke, if you will, a la The Aristocrats (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Aristocrats, if you don't get that reference).
Oh, and speaking of references, though the "fatal shearer" reference was good, it's too thick with classicism to be appropriate for this shanty, meffinks. It'd feel righter, I'm feeling, if the poem were emptied of such references, or filled with them.
Actually, filling this with classical metaphors and such would be kinda cool. It'd make the sailors singing this in my head seem... educated somewhat (or perhaps more ancient), and it'd definitely make the poem more original. If you've already done so, though, I guess you should make them a bit clearer.