05-24-2014, 02:43 AM
(05-23-2014, 10:15 PM)Thoughtjotter Wrote: Breath of LifeAll in all you've got some good imagery in this poem, but I would check your endings. A traditional Trochaic tetrameter line would have a feminine ending which means it is unstressed. Now I must admit that my knowledge gets a little iffy when dealing with three syllable feet but if you use three syllable feet a cretic would give you a stressed, unstressed, and then stressed. So if you write in a trisyllabic monometer (or any number of cretic feet I suppose) you could have a trochaic start with a masculine ending. Of course, I suppose a trochaic foot only applies to a two syllable system and I think that a cretic can also be used to transition between different meters. I find it useful to pin names on these things, because it allows for experimentation inside a system. There's my two cents you might want to check the info it may not be 100% accurate.
2nd Edit
Trochaic Tetrameter alternating with
Trochaic Trimeter (Maybe?)
Raging winds took ship and lives, --It seems there's a problem with some of the subject verb agreement here.
prompts the poet's rhymes.
Singing to lost sailor's wives;
Songs proclaiming; "hope survives".
Warm winds blow and spring arrives,
life and better times.
Cooling brow, sweet summer breeze,
comfort for us all.
Unseen fingers through the trees;
Sways tree branch and rustles leaves. --There seems to be some awkward syntax here. It seems a word like the or a would be a good addition to put in an unstressed syllable (not sure about the stresses in "tree branch" but branches usually belong to trees so you may not even need the word tree) and straighten out the awkward syntax.
Morning frost upon the sheaves,
early feel of fall.
Through the canyon rock it screams,
forcing snow to fly.
Gale winds paint the winter's theme;
Waving aspen's golden sheen,
valley down below agleam,
up above, blue sky. -- Not sure how I feel about the omission of connecting words it is interesting and creates its own type of language.
