Talking ‘bout My Gen, gen, gen, gen-gene—ah-ration

[Erthona]

-- not ever is a bit redundant -agreed should read "we should never have existed"
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our hair in a mullet seems to have problems with subject verb agreement -true, "mullet" should be plural.
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"They took drugs to find what they did, we did too, but liked being stoned the best. -- there are some abstractions like drugs that can be specified. If you play with some specifics you might get some good lines. However, the whole line feels like it can be condensed."

I agree, it is an awkward line, needs work.
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"because they say, gold ever sinks and always to the top does shit float, -- There are some real problems with the word "does" in this line. The whole construction about shit floating seems to be a linguistic inversion."

The inversion was purposeful, but you may be correct. The idea was to give it an archaic feel, as though it were axiomatic. I'll think on it.
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Thanks B. You have given me some good suggestions to tighten up this poem. I appreciate the effort as this is a bit long to slough through. OH yes, it is more or less iambic free verse, however, I threw in other meters for emphasis, which is why it varies. You did not seem to put off by it, so I will consider it a minimal success.

Thanks again,


Dale