05-22-2014, 05:57 PM
[quote='Brownlie' pid='165425' dateline='1400737437']
[quote='ChristopherSea' pid='163436' dateline='1400671480']
brownlie/ellajam edit 1
No Longer Dancing
I won’t dance the mambo on your window ledge;
hoof your soft-shoe all winter, bogged down by snow. --Well I like this change quite a bit
A marriage can not waltz on a stiletto's edge. -- This one adds an extra syllable to the line, and I still think there may be a better refrain out there but I would hate to be too taxing on your patience.
Brownlie, Yes, that refrain change brings the syllable to 12, but there are 11 and 12's throughout. However, I could even that out to one or the other. Let me see what I can do*.
*It's done all lines are 12 syllables now. Cheers/Chris
[quote='ChristopherSea' pid='163436' dateline='1400671480']
brownlie/ellajam edit 1
No Longer Dancing
I won’t dance the mambo on your window ledge;
hoof your soft-shoe all winter, bogged down by snow. --Well I like this change quite a bit
A marriage can not waltz on a stiletto's edge. -- This one adds an extra syllable to the line, and I still think there may be a better refrain out there but I would hate to be too taxing on your patience.
Brownlie, Yes, that refrain change brings the syllable to 12, but there are 11 and 12's throughout. However, I could even that out to one or the other. Let me see what I can do*.
*It's done all lines are 12 syllables now. Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris