A Spoon

[Todd]

Hi Hog Butcher, welcome to the site! I like the disassociated nature of the piece. Here are some comments for you.

A Spoon

A hand grabs a spoon from the drawer—an act so inconspicuous the brain commands it without notice. --There is a part of me that wants the halting disassociation with minimal internal commentary. I may suggest some broad cuts but they are only suggestions weigh them as you like. For this line, I'd consider cutting everything after the dash. I hate modifiers but if there were a way to convey absently after hand it may help. As it stands though, I'd end the line with drawer.

Two eyes busy their vision elsewhere. The hand knows well enough the what-to-do and the where-to-go of it: Two falls ago a map was committed to memory and burned with the leaves. --I like this section. I would consider cutting the opening sentence. No other cuts. I'd stay with the hand.

It is a spoon of considerable heft, unlike the flimsy tools that the hand has come to expect would come from this drawer in particular, which it must be said does maintain a sense of humility about itself, giving only what it was given.--This can be pared down. You could cut "would come". I would also be tempted to put a strophe break after drawer. I think you could also cut "it must be said does" and just make maintain "maintains"

The brain awakens to its experience, the fingers probe at lines engraved in the handle, the eyes come along to see what is in the hand. --Maybe, The brain awakens "as the fingers..." Possibly also "the eyes now see what..."

And the signals connect, synapses spark in the brain—This spoon belongs to E____.

E____, you left this spoon in the sink one night. You left it, forgetting it then and forgetting it ever since. You left it, as a non-thing, unworthy of awareness or reflection. You left it, nihilated by your apathy.--This spoon is a symbol for the speaker. I like this section

Yet, the brain can no longer unfix itself. Not a spoon, E____’s spoon— . . . the elucidation of meaning.

A phone lights up and dances ecstatic off the edge of the coffee table.--awesome personification and word choice. It makes us anticipate what is about to happen.

Just some thoughts. I know some of the cut suggestions are extreme.

Best,

Todd