Love, Emma edit 0.00001 hog et al

[tectak]

It's three months now, since last we talked. I thought we listened, too.
Your neon words, stark in the dark, bright with intent, *
mean so little now; now that you’ve put out the light.
The kids are sleeping. You should look at them, they’re yours as well as mine.
More yours, really, if only because they loved you in between
and I’m too tired to love like that. Why are you never tired?

• This line doesn't make too much sense. Neon and stark (as it is here used) seem to contradict each other, even though I know you mean "in stark contrast to the dark," it comes off as his words are bare in appearance. That's the opposite of neon. What I'd do: "Your neon words, in stark contrast to the dark surrounds, bright with intent." or something like that. It's not quite right but it's better.
  

I sleep;
alone.
You never wake.
You never sob.
You never needed to.

You don't need a semicolon in the first line.

You work. You say you do it all for us, but we both know the truth;
there is a lie somewhere in there. The boys just never left town
and* so you joined their club; The Guys Who Work and do it all for…
no, who believes that anymore? I’m not alone, I just don’t want
to call the other girls who Have It All Done for them. I guess I’m scared.
Maybe it’s just me. “They only sit around and drink til’ two”, they’ll say.
“We just go to bed. You should too. Men are like that. All talk”

Not sure what you're getting at here.

• You can just remove "and."
  

I wish.
Not you.
You never say.
You never lie;
you never needed to.

I thought you suspected he lied?

I cry. I told the kids it’s just the way that mommies wash their cares away.
That’s my lie, it worked for them, but it doesn’t work for me.
Not any more, not since yesterday; so I can’t do this anymore.
That’s what I want to tell you. That’s why when you come home
and read this note, you will forgive me for being what you made me.
You will stumble about and break things; you will fall to your knees
and wail like men do. Don’t worry. You won’t wake the kids.

Love,
Emma

That's alright, but I wouldn't end it with Love, Emma. Doesn't sound genuine after what you said.

Hi Hog,
Thank you for your detailed crit, it is much appreciated.
The "stark" word indicates by implication your definition exactly but I try to avoid writing more words than I need to express an idea....the fact that you got the idea is satisfyingly confirmative that the sentence works. Words in "neon" are invariably thin and minimalist because of the technology and it was that thin but piercing attribute that I am trying to allude to. Perhaps you are right and I shall look again.
The "and" shall be removed. Thanks...good catch.
The "...boys just never left town" is a sideways narrative for veracity....it hangs on " the boys are back in town"...song. So although the boys coming back would be reasonable excuse to go for ONE night out, they just never left so every night is a night out with the boys.
For the other points in this stanza you have to think like a woman
Semicolons. No, I don't "need" a semicolon but I am using it in its other role...to indicate a pensive pause. Structurally, I wish the piece was long enough to repeat this, if only to indicate that it is by intent and not by accident
The "you never lie" line makes me look foolish and I believe you have me there. I wanted to imply that he did not lie because he just didn't talk about things that were troubling "her"...but it has not come off; I can see that. I will try again.
Love, Emma? Well, perhaps deep down somewhere...but she can get away with saying anything after murdering the kids
Again, my thanks,
tectak