Love, Emma edit 0.00001 hog et al

[tectak]

Well Tom, I'll take a stab at this.

When I think about your title it makes me think that there's still a sad level of residual love in the relationship. If you don't want to convey that maybe "Since Yesterday" would be a possible change.

It's three months now, since last we talked. I thought we listened, too.--I hate qualifiers but is it "really talked" or have they really not spoken in 3 months. The way you have it suggests trial separation Though that isn't what's going on here. Probably just me. Not a criticism just an observation
Your neon words, stark in the dark, bright with intent,--stark in the dark seems a little too cutesy with the internal rhyme to work with the content for me. I like the idea of neon words though because for two people that haven't connected in months (probably years really the few words they remember take on more significance. Maybe you could play with the afterimage quality of neon
mean so little now; now that you’ve put out my lights.
The kids are sleeping. You should look at them, they’re yours as well as mine.--The you should look at them phrase is strong it suggests a "Cat's in the Cradle" sort of absentee relationship. I wonder by the final phrase and I'm reading in a bit if the husband felt trapped by the kids or there was some question of paternity at some point. I doubt that's the implication but its where my mind goes. I'm engaged in the narrative. Here's where the note format doesn't give us the interplay of body language or gesture to provide clues--not that its necessary
More yours, really, if only because they loved you in between--I'm not sure about the "in between" working. I'd be tempted to break on you
and I’m too tired to love like that. Why are you never tired?--strong characterization. I like the line and the question

I sleep;
alone.
You never wake.
You never sob;
you never needed to.--I like this break in the line length. This is the desperate aside. I might want an additional line break after sob to give the writer the time to have a realization.

You work. You say you do it all for us, but we both know the truth;
there is a lie somewhere in there. The boys just never left town--The somewhere in there really sells this for me. Like she's saying this sounds good, but I'm too tired to untangle it all.
and so you joined their club. The guys who work and do it all…
no, who believes that anymore? I’m not alone, I just don’t want
to call the other girls who have it all done for them. I guess I’m scared.--This entire sequence comes across very genuine. Great observations
Maybe it’s just me. “They only sit around and drink til’ two”, they’ll say.
“We just go to bed. You should too. Men are like that. All talk”--And here is the other lie. Since yesterday being foreshadowed. What makes this so perfect is men are all talk and he hasn't spoken to her really in three months. So even giving away his talk is a form of emotional adultery. This is my favorite part in the poem just for how you've developed it so far

I wish.
Not you.
You never say.--exactly
You never lie;
you never needed to.

I cry. I told the kids it’s just the way that mommies wash their cares away.--Mommies is a good addition because it sets the age range of the kids
That’s my lie, it worked for them, but it doesn’t work for me.--all lies work for the children because they desperately want the lie
Not any more, not since yesterday; so I can’t do this anymore.
That’s what I want to tell you. That’s why when you come home--The talk has been initiated by the other side
and read this note, you will forgive me for being what you made me.--Awesome line
You will stumble about and break things; you will fall to your knees
and wail like men do. Don’t worry. You won’t wake the kids.--won't wake them from their view of their parents either.

Love,
Emma

Enjoyed the read Tom. I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd

Thanks for thisTodd. Some bits I will incorporate immediately but I just want you to consider this before I make big changes...there is a reason why the kids won't wake up...since yesterday.
Best,
Tom
Dah dudud daaaaah!(dramatic chord sequence)