Love, Emma edit 0.00001 hog et al

[tectak]

It's three months now, since last we talked. I thought we listened, too.
Your neon words, stark in the dark, bright with intent,
mean so little now; now that you’ve put out the light.
The kids are sleeping. You should look at them, they’re yours as well as mine.
More yours, really, if only because they loved you in between
and I’m too tired to love like that. Why are you never tired?

I sleep;
alone.
You never wake.
You never sob;
you never needed to.

You work. You say you do it all for us, but we both know the truth;
there is a lie somewhere in there. The boys just never left town
so you joined their club; The Guys Who Work and do it all for…
no, who believes that anymore? I’m not alone, I just don’t want
to call the other girls who Have It All Done for them. I guess I’m scared.
Maybe it’s just me. “They only sit around and drink til’ two”, they’ll say.
“We just go to bed. You should too. Men are like that. All talk”

I wish.
Not you.
You never say.
You never lie;
you never needed to.

I cry. I told the kids it’s just the way that mommies wash their cares away.
That’s my lie, it worked for them, but it doesn’t work for me.
Not any more, not since yesterday; so I can’t do this anymore.
That’s what I want to tell you. That’s why when you come home
and read this note, you will forgive me for being what you made me.
You will stumble about and break things; you will fall to your knees
and wail like men do. Don’t worry. You won’t wake the kids.

Love,
Emma