05-20-2014, 05:06 AM
His collarbones protruded,
in the most beautiful way.
You could lose the comma.
His scent filled my nostrils,
as I pressed my nose to the soft skin below his ear.
The comma here too.
His hand touched my spine.
Not purposefully, but not by accident.
I felt him smile as his chin brushed my cheek.
Maybe, I felt his smile. You could come up with something better with the smile. Or leave it like it is.
Did I make him feel how he made me?
I guess it depends on how you read this line.
His collarbones protruded,
In the most beautiful.
in the most beautiful way.
You could lose the comma.
His scent filled my nostrils,
as I pressed my nose to the soft skin below his ear.
The comma here too.
His hand touched my spine.
Not purposefully, but not by accident.
I felt him smile as his chin brushed my cheek.
Maybe, I felt his smile. You could come up with something better with the smile. Or leave it like it is.
Did I make him feel how he made me?
I guess it depends on how you read this line.
His collarbones protruded,
In the most beautiful.