Drive

[RSaba]

Hi,
I gotta be honest, I agree with others- hard to tell what this is about. There are some lines that really resonated with me, and gave me some cool images. However, the other, muddier lines took away from the poetic ones. I'm also not sure that arranging the piece in couplets does much to make it easy to read. I'm going to make a few comments on the lines I enjoyed and then the ones that I felt took away from that enjoyment. Hope this is helpful.

Drive

another day starts with
the strike of a match I like the first two lines. They caught my attention and made me want to continue. However, bear in mind that they set the grammar/punctuation style for the rest of the piece. I like the no-punctuation or caps style, so I was totally fine when it seemed the piece would be in that style. But then the rest of the poem was in full-sentence format. Gotta make up your mind!

Racing up the sharp
timbers

from the further grey. These three lines just don't make sense. I liked the "racing" because it likened the strike of a match to the beginning of a race. The rest of the line means nothing to me. Also, we're 5 lines in and still no inkling of the subject of the piece...

That burning comma here it keeps
the drivers sweating Solid lines, solid image. Unfortunately, there is no context. Subject???

and clips through the
chatters of the day The burning "clips?" Confusing. "chatters of the day" is a cool line, though. Whatever you do to this piece, try and keep it. It's simple but descriptive.

until all that is left are
bare hopes. Something awkward about the grammar here- "all that are left" perhaps? Not sure. Anyways, this would be a lovely desolate line if only it meant something.

carrying their smog
down the road Good image.

empty luggage for a
black horizon I really like these last 4 lines. Quite a lot, actually. But (and I hate to say this again), I just really wish I knew what they meant! They would be so much more powerful with context and direction.

a horizon, You just used the word "horizon"- I understand why you're repeating it, but I'm not a fan. Nevertheless, it would be less awkward (and more grammatically correct) if you remove the comma after the second use of the word and put a comma after the first use.

where embers
and tears meet. Cool line, means nothing. Perhaps when the poem has found its direction, a more poignant last line will appear out of nowhere to complete the piece.

Don't get me wrong- there are some lines in here I quite like. But as a whole, this has no subject to me. I'm sure that when you wrote it, you knew what you were talking about. But that doesn't translate here. Too many whimsical images, not enough meaning to give them substance. I think you should take those really good lines and re-use them in the next version of this. I'm very curious to see how this turns out! Hope all that helped.