Gallery

[UnclePedro]

I was talking about capitalizing the first word of each line being what made for a more difficult read.

So I changed all the capitalization stuff. I'm not too sure that I like it better, but if everyone else thinks it reads better this way, then I'm fine with that

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The poem keeps giving words in the middle of lines capital letters ("A mask, The mask that conceals"). A comma doesn't end a sentence, so for the capitals to be justified you need a full stop. I'd go back and really think about the grammatical structure of this piece, as it does feel confused, though there's a lot of clarity in individual images. The poem doesn't quite hang together as a sensible narrative, but the gallery metaphor is strong. Personally, I'd divide the poem into verses and focus solely on that metaphor. Describe each painting in the gallery and what it means to the narrator, as opposed to just hurtling ahead with action. Thank you for the read

Yes, I know that a comma doesn't end a sentence, but in this poem I'm using it in a different manner. For the original piece (not the 1st edit), the commas before the capitalized words in the middle of the sentences represented a separation, really a breath, as if someone were reading a spoken word piece.

More importantly, the focus of the poem is not intended to be about a gallery, but about the psychological situation of the person the narrator is describing. Spoiler alert, this issue that the narrator is talking about is the character's depression and how he/she has sunk into themselves and closed off themselves from the people around them, climaxing the poem with the narrator telling the character that it is really the messed up problems that the character is hiding that is what makes them unique and an individual.

Thank you for reading, I am taking these changes into consideration, particularly the structure of the poem so that the piece can flow better