Gallery

[heslopian]

The poem keeps giving words in the middle of lines capital letters ("A mask, The mask that conceals"). A comma doesn't end a sentence, so for the capitals to be justified you need a full stop. I'd go back and really think about the grammatical structure of this piece, as it does feel confused, though there's a lot of clarity in individual images. The poem doesn't quite hang together as a sensible narrative, but the gallery metaphor is strong. Personally, I'd divide the poem into verses and focus solely on that metaphor. Describe each painting in the gallery and what it means to the narrator, as opposed to just hurtling ahead with action. Thank you for the read