Am I a Fool

[milo]

milo,

Mostly iambic tetrameter:

Between the smoothness of the line, which tends to speed up the reading of the line and the rhyming couplets, this combines synergistically to make this more singsong than it would be with a different rhyme scheme, of if in blank verse. This is a case where the form seems at odds with the content.

Dale

hmm . . well, I hadn't really considered any form other than a rondeau as none of them would really allow for the short refrain.

Do you mean to say that this poem would do better to read slower for some reason? I am not sure.

---

This one was from the very first day of NaPM. It may not be ready for work shopping but I figured if I started others would feel more comfortable doing it. Feel free to offer any suggestions at all, everything is up for grabs here.

I suppose you have some sort aphoristic statements (if that's what you want to call them) in the lines "living is the ghost of play" though that seems to suggest a state of dissolution. You also have a similar statement of more abstract terms in "night will always conquer day"

Am I a Fool -- Question mark here perhaps

Am I a fool to see a ghost
in every girl that walks the coast,
as lavender will ghost to grey
and one will turn to none and say,
"am I a fool." -- It's interesting that this has no question mark


This morning will be spent like most -
the endless days of tea and toast -- Maybe an instead of the, statements that generalize about everything seem to detract from the poignancy. I get the Prufrock as well, so I suppose that could relate to the repeated question as a hint of hesitation

and living is the ghost of play
am I a fool?

One will stew or two will roast -
the spirit’s gone without the host -- You might want to play with "the" in this line. This is a very corporeal idea

as night will always conquer day
as ghosts of voices fade away
you call me still so I just may. -- You might want to include a more grandiloquent statement here.
Am I a fool?

[/b]

Did my best to comment.

Thanks for the comments, they are appreciated.