Acer Aspiration

[ChristopherSea]

Acer Aspirations

Standing off center
in the loop of a cloverleaf ,<"A loop" unless this is the only one>
like a flagstick on a golf green,
a sapling waves her maple leaf hands.
She burgeons triumphantly,
peering over rubber and rubble.

She yields to a cyclone
of car exhaust
that whirls sugary straws
pursued by eager flies. She's encircled
by coiled road vipers,
vulcanized serpents stinking
of sulfur and petroleum.

She might be overlooked, < Will give alternate below*>
if not for the ruby foliage
contrasting dull granite stones
about her tender roots. It's doubtful
that anyone will notice her,
see this marvel of survival
or realize that in two decades

one gallon of her sap
could provide enough syrup
for one morning waffle.

* "Overlooked, if not for her ruby foliage
which contrasts with the dull granite stones
laying about her tender roots.

_________________________________________________________
Chris,

I'm wondering if you would not be best to start a new stanza with "It's doubtful". I don't feel like the enjambment is particularly beneficial as it is so overtly obvious. I literally stopped reading when I came to that point because it stuck out so much.

I am ambivalent about the last stanza. It almost seems to diminish the tree, rather than the opposite. Maybe:

"It's doubtful that anyone
will notice this marvel
of survival, or realize
that one day her sap
will provide sweet syrup;
a counterpoint to her
bitter upbringing."

This poem has a lot of potential. I like how you personify the tree as her. It ties in her syrup to the milk produced by mammals, and despite her harsh treatment, she grows into something that will give a present to those who ignore and treat her with neglect. I like the leafy hands image, but I would stay away from emphasizing the "maple leaf" aspect, as that carries much connotative baggage.

Luck on your next edit (as you say),

Oh yeah, almost forgot. The title is cute as well as alliterative.

Dale

Dale, thank you for the thorough analysis and well thought out recommendations for this poem. Many of those substitutions are right on.

One clarification, road vipers are a metaphor for cast off re-treads, not the roads themselves. I saw the image of these coiled nasties as quite menacing. I have a 'Ku' posted called 'Serpents of the Orbital' that inspired me to use them again. Southern truckers call them road gators. They create a hostile image and depict the daunting condition for this young tree.

As for the ending, I am stressing the twenty year maturity time and the huge conversion factor of one gallon of sap to yield one tablespoon of syrup to suggest the arduous journey ahead of her, the 'aspiration' if you will. However, your suggestion of her nurturing us despite her treatment and neglect is a very intriguing take. I will think on both aspects. They may even work in combination. Much obliged./Chris