Organ planet (explicit)

[Erthona]

Organ planet

Fuck…Fuck…Fuck… He said grinning. <"grinning" really>

That’s the dark bile spilling out.

There’s an organ inside, doctors don’t know about.

Spilling acid like burning hot magma in the middle of the self.

Self center that is. < this is nicely satirical>

Try to feel your center, well that’s where that is…

Hot burning coal, air suction chokes.< ah, now we start the poorly punctuated section. Blurb as sentence. I will give my review of each >

Wolf chewing on a rock. <bad>

Cock desperate for cunt. <good>

Piercing erupt volcano. <bad>

Sprout on old potato. <good>

That’s where’s from the disease

that eats you from in to out. <redundant, you could just say, "That’s where’s from the disease comes from".>

One tiny little bite after another. <no more please>

One beany umbilical cord, held too tight. < Maybe, but three should be the limit >

This isn't bad...it's not good, but it isn't bad. Usually with first post or within the first hundred post I am looking for a way to say this suck, without saying this sucks. Of course this does, but there seems to be a brain behind it, which is often not the case. I can see you thinking good things, but lacking the skill to put it down well. This is inventive and sarcastic. That's more than most have going. You seem to lack remedial grammar skills, or have put them on the shelf somewhere. Regardless, those can be learned or retrieved. Just one question. Is "Fuck…Fuck…Fuck… He said grinning" suppose to be a line said by this unknown organ? If so, maybe Tom will have to redact his "gratuitous" remark.

Welcome to the site,

Dale