05-15-2014, 02:44 AM
NB,
Yeah, I would never get this without the explanation. I know a fair amount about the Bible, and have read a number of the ancillary text from Rabbis, but I am not Jewish and so something that I think is closely related to the Jewish faith (although it makes perfect sense) would not be grasp by many outside of Judaism. I think this could be handled by footnotes, which are often used in poetry for the more obscure allusions. I agree with Chris that what you have in parenthesis is not really parenthetical. I'm not sure why you have the extended line in the fifth line.
My main problem is there is nothing in the poem that connects the first paragraph to the idea of the oral tradition being a protection for the Torah. I think maybe even people who were Jewish might have difficulty picking that out. It's a long way to go from fence in ground to protection of Torah. Fence can mean a lot of things, how is the reader suppose to know what you are talking about. You allude to Passover, but how does that connect to the "Fence"? It's a nice idea, but I don't think you pull it off.
Shalom, and welcome to the site,
Dale
Yeah, I would never get this without the explanation. I know a fair amount about the Bible, and have read a number of the ancillary text from Rabbis, but I am not Jewish and so something that I think is closely related to the Jewish faith (although it makes perfect sense) would not be grasp by many outside of Judaism. I think this could be handled by footnotes, which are often used in poetry for the more obscure allusions. I agree with Chris that what you have in parenthesis is not really parenthetical. I'm not sure why you have the extended line in the fifth line.
My main problem is there is nothing in the poem that connects the first paragraph to the idea of the oral tradition being a protection for the Torah. I think maybe even people who were Jewish might have difficulty picking that out. It's a long way to go from fence in ground to protection of Torah. Fence can mean a lot of things, how is the reader suppose to know what you are talking about. You allude to Passover, but how does that connect to the "Fence"? It's a nice idea, but I don't think you pull it off.
Shalom, and welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.