Breath of Life

[Thoughtjotter]

I love the meter and rhythm of the poem. I am not sure about verse 4; how it relates, lonely cries seem the opposite of screams, the last line "she sighs, please sweet breeze" but I am in question about the relate to "blow until it dries". Nice reading. Loretta

Thank you, Loretta, I will see what I can do. I did force the couplet and now I see that it needs work.
Thanks again for your valuable feedback,

R T

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Second stanza:
b
b
c
d (I stumbled on this line, noticeable half-rhyme)


"these lonely sounds make lonely dreams" doesn't sit too well with me. I'm not too sure why to be honest. If someone else picks up on it, then you know there's an issue. Otherwise, my bad : P.

Thank you, Jinxy, I still have much to learn about meter and rhyme. "these lonely sounds make lonely dreams" just sorta popped out while I was writing. I'll rethink it,
R T

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Breath of Life
CROSSing/ SEAS from/ DAWN of/ TIME,
eLIC/its WORDS/ for SAIL/or's RHYME.
SINGing/ SONGS to/ LONEly/ WIVES,
the WIND/ in TUNE/ uPON/ the CHIMES.

BEARing/ RAIN when/ SPRING ar/RIVES
or RAN/dom FU/ry, TAK/ing LIVES.
COOLing/ BROW with/ GENTle/ BREEZE,
the SMELL/ of AUT/umn at SUN/rise. (iamb/iamb/anapaest?)

UNseen/ FINGers/ THROUGH the/ TREES,
to SWAY/ the BRANCH/ and RUST/le LEAVES.
PASSing/ OVer / HILLS of/ GREEN,
this REST/less SPIR/it, EARTH/ conCEIVES.

WAVing/ ASPen's/ GOLDen/ SHEEN,
on THROUGH/ the CAN/yon ROCK/ it SCREAMS.
MOANing/ as the COLD/SNOW FLIES (trochee/anapaest/spondee?)
these LONE/ly SOUNDS/ make LONE/ly DREAMS.

"Last SHEET/ on the LINE/" she SIGHS, (iamb/anapaest/iamb?)
"PLEASE sweet/ BREEZE, BLOW/ unTIL/ it DRIES." (trochee/spondee/iamb/iamb?)



A nice sonnet... Still new to scanning so I wouldn’t be surprised if I’ve done the above wrong, The few deviations from meter didn’t bother me, I thought that for the most part, it was smooth and flowing. The last two lines however, i feel would be better if they were the same length, after all, the line length is consistent in the rest of the poem. Overall, I liked it. Marianne

Thank you, Marianne, you have helped me a great deal here. I have not yet learned how to tell which words are optionally stressed or unstressed and the words which should always be unstressed or stressed.
Uh, did I say that right? There's a lot of stress in this Meter business.
Back to the drawing board, Thanks again,
R T