Organ planet (explicit)

Organ planet (explicit)

ChristopherSea Offline

Rat Catcher

Posts: 845
Threads: 57
Joined: Aug 2013

05-14-2014, 06:47 PM

Newbabe, I like the organ treatment. I have that nasty beast in my guts; I know about it. There are some good images and phrase usage, but the piece lacks a cohesiveness. The opening is weak and I have yet to see the F-word used effectively in a poem. It's the ultimate cliche and a always sheep in wolf's clothing for me. The strongest way to open this poem would be the line: 'There’s an organ inside...' Thumbsup

Welcome to the site and the world of poetry. Good luck with your next edit./Chris

My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris

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Messages In This Thread

Organ planet (explicit) - by Babeanew - 05-14-2014, 08:14 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by tectak - 05-14-2014, 03:57 PM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by LorettaYoung - 05-15-2014, 03:21 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by billy - 05-14-2014, 06:19 PM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by Babeanew - 05-14-2014, 06:45 PM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by billy - 05-15-2014, 10:01 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by ChristopherSea - 05-14-2014, 06:47 PM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by nb - 05-14-2014, 09:58 PM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by Erthona - 05-15-2014, 11:07 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by Tdurr - 05-20-2014, 11:54 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by Tiger the Lion - 05-21-2014, 10:21 AM

RE: Organ planet (explicit) - by Rustymetal - 01-28-2015, 04:58 PM

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