Organ planet (explicit)

[billy]

it felt pretty okay after one read and pretty not okay after subsequent reads.

i'm fine with expletives, but they didn't work for me in this one. i like some of the lines but i can't get from one line to the next without thing ...what?
if ever i saw a poem trying to push bounderies, this is one of them. it needs a good edit but with one you might have something special, as is, you have some words and a few fucks.

thanks for the read.

Organ planet

Fuck…Fuck…Fuck… He said grinning. would quotations help.

That’s the dark bile spilling out. the first thing i asked was, "why did he say that? not you, the he in the poem? i'm already thinking crackpot...him not you.

There’s an organ inside, doctors don’t know about. inside what?

Spilling acid like burning hot magma in the middle of the self.

Self center that is. this feels to disjointed from the self above.

Try to feel your center, well that’s where that is…

Hot burning coal, air suction chokes.

Wolf chewing on a rock. i'm not sure why but i love this line.

Cock desperate for cunt.

Piercing erupt volcano.

Sprout on old potato.

That’s where’s from the disease

that eats you from in to out.

One tiny little bite after another.

One beany umbilical cord, held too tight.

A.B

First poem, looking forward to read your critiques!