05-14-2014, 11:04 AM
There are elements I like. I think the strongest parts for me are when you mix it up a bit like in line 3 as lavender will ghost to grey. It's the use as a verb that makes it work for me. I mostly appreciate the wordplay in S1. Line 4 for instance is fun to read.
L6 is a Prufrock image I like.
L12 while debatable inverts the expected so good.
L13 I sort of want voices ghost and fade away
No real issues with it.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
L6 is a Prufrock image I like.
L12 while debatable inverts the expected so good.
L13 I sort of want voices ghost and fade away
No real issues with it.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson