Mother's Day Revelation.
#2
(05-13-2014, 10:46 AM)newsclippings Wrote:  


It's not that I don't anymore it's --Maybe consider stronger end words for your lines. What don't you do anymore?
that I never did. You calling at
Seven o' seven to blister my joy,
I forget it's not your intention.

When I bartered your dependence for
my nights out I was your sweet
predilection. But I knew you well
enough to assume circumvention.

You were not care, -- Awkward syntax here
I was not a bind.
I was your contempt,
and you were my child.
-- I hate this part.
Well it sounds a little like something Sylvia Plath would write, but it does little to reach beyond the antipathy. Thumbsup My two cents.
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Messages In This Thread
Mother's Day Revelation. - by newsclippings - 05-13-2014, 10:46 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by Brownlie - 05-13-2014, 11:14 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by Erthona - 05-13-2014, 11:26 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by newsclippings - 05-13-2014, 11:53 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by Erthona - 05-13-2014, 02:16 PM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by newsclippings - 05-23-2014, 06:28 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by billy - 05-23-2014, 07:55 AM
RE: Mother's Day Revelation. - by newsclippings - 05-23-2014, 08:44 AM



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