05-13-2014, 10:06 AM
It doesn't, and here's why.
For your walkthrough to fit what's written, specific clauses have to modify other specific clauses. E.g., the smog and the luggage. But the lack of punctuation makes it impossible--not hard, but impossible--to perform the work needed to extract the sense you want extracted.
Moreover, your words don't mean what you want them to. Again, e.g., smog is a portmanteau of smoke and smog--it doesn't mean "smoke" which you seem to intend it to mean. Likewise, a sunrise isn't a sudden flaming, like a matchstrike, but rather a slow process of brightening leading to a tiny sliver of light.
Anyway, I'm with everyone else--punctuate and rewrite.
Not for nothing, on the verbiage note I made above, an "empty horizon" is a metaphor for "free and open possibility," and destiny is the notion of predetermined actions, so that the terms are actually polar opposites.
For your walkthrough to fit what's written, specific clauses have to modify other specific clauses. E.g., the smog and the luggage. But the lack of punctuation makes it impossible--not hard, but impossible--to perform the work needed to extract the sense you want extracted.
Moreover, your words don't mean what you want them to. Again, e.g., smog is a portmanteau of smoke and smog--it doesn't mean "smoke" which you seem to intend it to mean. Likewise, a sunrise isn't a sudden flaming, like a matchstrike, but rather a slow process of brightening leading to a tiny sliver of light.
Anyway, I'm with everyone else--punctuate and rewrite.
Not for nothing, on the verbiage note I made above, an "empty horizon" is a metaphor for "free and open possibility," and destiny is the notion of predetermined actions, so that the terms are actually polar opposites.