05-13-2014, 08:09 AM
just addressing your thoughts on cliche. you say;
hahaha alright. It's true. I realize it's not very original. But I think it can still be beautiful. Why? Have you heard of "New Sincerity"? It's the idea that the sincerity of the art/poetry is beautiful, not how skillful or original it is trying to be. I'm displaying my real emotions, even if that means using cliches.
if a poem that has similar lines to a lot of other poems can be beautiful then there's going to be a lot of beautiful poems that say the same thing. that kind of beauty rather quickly turns to the mundane and boring heard it all before. i never got to the end of the poem i had no need to, i knew what was coming. the whole poem can be summed up thus;
alone. or, i am alone. that's it.
show us why you're alone, what type of alone, how does it feel. but show us without cliche, once we see what cliche is and does we could possibly use it to write a cliched poem that works. till then clich is not a friend to poetry.
hahaha alright. It's true. I realize it's not very original. But I think it can still be beautiful. Why? Have you heard of "New Sincerity"? It's the idea that the sincerity of the art/poetry is beautiful, not how skillful or original it is trying to be. I'm displaying my real emotions, even if that means using cliches.
if a poem that has similar lines to a lot of other poems can be beautiful then there's going to be a lot of beautiful poems that say the same thing. that kind of beauty rather quickly turns to the mundane and boring heard it all before. i never got to the end of the poem i had no need to, i knew what was coming. the whole poem can be summed up thus;
alone. or, i am alone. that's it.
show us why you're alone, what type of alone, how does it feel. but show us without cliche, once we see what cliche is and does we could possibly use it to write a cliched poem that works. till then clich is not a friend to poetry.
(05-12-2014, 10:52 PM)SuicidalBlueJay Wrote: All alone in my little world
I sit and stare and wait
Hoping for a shred of light
Something to change my fate the 1st stanza feels very weak. it has little to hold the reader. a suggestion would be to succinctly describe your little world in the first stanza.
All alone in my empty room the refrain is too cliched, this line is doubly cliche. words are your friend. use ones that represent what you want to say in a new way. how many ways can we say all alone?
I wish and pray and plead
That maybe one day
I'll get the love I need another stanza with out any hooks to stick in the reader's mouth.
All alone in my aching heart
I sob and moan and cry
Wanting so badly
To just be free and die
But alas, no answer
The night is silent as stone
Because, as you know
I am all alone
A couple days ago I started writing poetry on a whim. This was the first one I wrote. Hope you enjoy! ^_^